Honoring Our Veterans

Our country recently celebrated those who have served and serve today in the armed forces. I asked my brother to share his story. While my brother did not suffer with addiction, he certainly has had his challenges with mental health. Here is his story.

I’m Craig , and was born 26 March 1963 in Houston, Texas. I joined the military in December of 1985. My 32 years of success in the US Army was partially due to my upbringing of my grandmother, meaning I never wanted to fail or disappoint an authoritative figure in my life. I also didn’t want to disappoint my colleagues and their families and all those I vowed to protect. I began to go deeper into my career and experience all the challenges that comes with being a military leader ,the challenges became even more difficult mainly because I didn’t want to fail and of course the enemy has a vote. I faced this enemy on multiple occasions whether directly or indirectly through my soldiers and other colleagues. In the fall of 1990, the 1st 911 call to deploy to the middle east to liberate Kuwait from the grasp of Saddam Hussein. There were many times where I didn’t know what was in front of me which caused me to start feeling the sense of anxiety and anguish and of course not wanting to have someone else decide my faith. The first time I knew things weren’t right is when I was down in my tracked vehicle and couldn’t see out. Just imagine sitting in a big, armored box with no windows and the feeling that a rocket propelled grenade could hit you at any time. I believe this was the first time that I was ever scared, and I also think triggered my initial stages of PTSD. I am also thinking I cannot fail and did not want to disappoint my superiors. From here on out for next few months I was always on guard to anything that didn’t look, talk, or walk like an ally. The next time the pressure got even more strenuous when we were moving at tonight and then we stopped. As the sun began to rise, we realized we were sitting in an Iraqi fighting position. I remember this clearly as I was waiting for leadership to make some sort of decision on whether to stay or go somewhere else, we stayed. They were not a threat because they were just as afraid as I was. Of course, there were many nights of missiles being fired but we didn’t know which directions they were coming. So now as you can see the mental stability of my mind is on high alert. Many years later (2005) I deployed to Kuwait with most of my Soldiers missions on the most dangerous highways in IRAQ, where IEDs killed most grounds forces around the area of operations. At this point I responsible for over 290 Soldiers and of course I didn’t want to fail or disappoint. This time failing and disappoint has more pressure, meaning my goals was to bring back everyone alive. Not only my grandmother, and my family was in my head but also the families of those 290 service men and women. My issues start to get heavier when one of my gun trucks was hit with an IED. I was not in the convoy, but they are still mine. Thankfully they all made it out alive but the hours of not knowing and wondering what the lasting effect of their injuries had my mind and heart anxious. This event started to have long-term effect on my mental state of mind as well. This also was the year that I had about 5-6 Soldier lose a family member back home. Moving forward to my deployment in Afghanistan 2011, which is where I was sort in the same position, but it was more dangerous and the number of people I was responsible for increased to about 460. Our organization was spread across the vast and dangerous terrain of Kandahar, Afghanistan. The positioning of some of our guys kept my sleep to a minimum because I never knew how well they were doing and in one case I had a platoon that had no running water for months. These details may seem insignificant; however, I believe they contributed to my mental state of the mind. Adding to the trauma, I had to hear and acknowledge reports of my peer’s losing many of their Soldiers to enemy contact. I even attended several ceremonies, whiling hoping none of my guys would have to experience loss on this deployment. We did have a convoy get hit one afternoon by an IED and thank God no one was killed. Another event added to the mental. On another occasion, I was standing on a FOB talking to my peers and a guy standing next to me got shot in the abdomen by an enemy combatant. Again, this took me to another level. One afternoon, while in my room I heard gunfire and it was so close I thought someone had over run the FOB, fortunately it was the Afghan compound that was next to ours that got overrun by Taliban. They lost about 8-9 Afghani troops. One evening about 8:00 pm I heard one of the loudest explosions ever and it was due to a rocket landing outside of our gate. On another occasion my boss and I went to assess a check point and while there we realized that the Afghani police had come across some things that were not to be moved and my boss engaged them to get it back and they refused. At some point in this conversation my translator told me to tell the boss that these police are saying they will die for this equipment. Here is another example of not knowing, and the mind begins to wonder about failing and surviving. To say the least, the boss saw the writing on the wall and allowed them to keep it. There are probably more events such as these, but I will stop here. The point is all these events caused me to be where I am today. The effect is somewhat better. The way I deal with this is medication. I also am aware of my surroundings; my back is always against a wall in an airport. I always question people of middle eastern dissent and that is wrong, but it is a part of my DNA for now. I get irritated easily, slamming of doors, sudden loud noises, sudden clashing of metal, and other things that catch me off guard trigger these emotions that trigger my PTSD. I was diagnosed a few years ago.

Retired ,Command Sergeant Major, Craig

I have had the pleasure of counseling many women who have served in the armed forces, whether it was the United States Army, Marines, or the Navy, who have shared with me, their story of sacrifice for us. Many return home and become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. They also suffer from, mental health disorders. They took me along for the ride, the ride that often was the defining moment that left them scared and seeking refuge, the best way they knew how-most will not do this. It’s often too painful.

Thank you big brother for taking us along for the ride and for your abundant courage, your strength, and your journey.

I am often compelled when I see men and women, dressed in uniform, to thank them for their service. You see, it doesn’t have to be a national holiday to honor those who have given so much.

If you or someone you know, is a veteran and is needling help, please contact the Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 9-8-8, option 1. 24/7 Crisis text line: Text TX to 741741. In Texas 2-1-1 , option 8. 24/7. Local Mental Health Authority Crisis Hotline for substance use and other crisis services.